Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.

So yesterday was the end of an era.

It was Valentine's Day, in case you were unaware. Many moons ago when I opted out of the V-Club, it was on Valentine's Day, and ever since, I have celebrated the fact by doin' it.

Last night, I did not get any action.

And I came to terms with myself in the moment I realised that my reign of terror was over. I had a good run of it, but really? What is it than just a stupid statistic? Yes, okay, I love statistics more than life itself. Yes, I have a written tally of anyone I have ever smooched. Yes, I was proud to be able to uphold a tradition, as bizarre a tradition as it was, but damnit, it was MY tradition!

Friends have pointed out that had I been with Michael, I would have been alone on Valentine's Day ANYWAYS, as he is still in Italy and I would have gone to visit him already. An excellent point, I concede, but the thing to remember I guess, would be that I wouldn't have been ALONE per se, it just wouldn't have been possible to be with him. I digress.

I wasn't alone though.... no Chef Lonelyheart's Dinner for One for me? (Although, admittedly, the parallels between me and Edna K are getting scarier and scarier the older I get). I called up my very favorite Hannah and we went out to dinner. We went to Twisted Fork, and were lucky enough to get a table. Looking around though, we realised that we kinda looked like a couple, and I think compensated for that by spending the entire time talking about boys, their mamas and the girls that hate us (or, more specifically, me... because everyone likes Hannah).

It was good to go out with her, I haven't hung out with her in ages, and it was nice to catch up. She provided some incredibly refreshing insight to my dilemmas (okay, not so much dilemmas as dra-ma). She made me realise that I am making some really healthy, pro-active choices in my life and that is GOOD, regardless of how hard it is to do.

We talked a lot about Michael and I occurred to me how much I have changed since he left. Not even because of the whole breaking up thing (which did a serious number on my pride and self-confidence, I won't lie) but in a weird way, it was a really really good thing for me. I am still the same ol' wacky potato Nicki, but I have learned a lot about myself- my coping techniques, my denial, how much I value relationships, my dedication, my self-sacrificing, my sense of justice, ny sense of honor and my own self-worth. I am not the same person that I was when he left. This whole experience has made me grow by leaps and bounds, more so than I ever would have ever guessed. I am most definitely from the school of "everything happens for a reason" and while it is complete shit that I had to go through this, as any breakup is with anyone, a lot of good has come from it.

I can't believe how optimistic I have become. I have always considered myself a realist, but lately, I just think that there is no sense in dwelling in negativity and letting myself get discouraged. Life is too short for all this shit, you know? I am in my mid-twenties, moderately attractive, I have a decent job, a roof over my head (albeit a shitbox one), food to eat, the best friends in the world, access to excellent healthcare, I have money to buy cute shirts whenever I want and a personality that won't quit.... what do I have to feel bad about?

So fuck it! Carpe diem! Enough with the moping and feeling bad. Enough with the sadness about the end of my era... it's not like I won't have sex again for christ's sake.

I am waaaaay too cute for that to ever happen. :-)

Cheers, darlings.