I have absolutely no idea what is going on.

Oh my yesterday was an interesting day.

Basically, without getting too much into it (tomorrows posting will be way more in depth, depending on the outcome of tonight) I received a series of emails that made me react so violently, I actually had a legitimate panic attack.

Kiki is not a panic attack type person. Kiki is not known to freak out about anything, let alone have a legitimate panic attack. The last time I did was when I was still living with the gay boys in Shorewood, Michael was leaving and I just snapped. I remember being in the stairwell just shaking, with my teeth chattering (that is a big sign right there) and Michael pretty much had to drag me up the stairs, as I pretty much was not acting on my own volition. Yesterday was not nearly as bad, but it did result in the same endorphin rush, the nausea, the frantic, panicked feeling, the feeling where everything as you know it is completely out of your control (and as a bit of a control freak, this does not bode well).

I do not want to go into all the grisly details, until after tonight (but anyone with at least a passing interest in my blog knows something is up and can easily figure out what I am doing that is so secretive).

I was so sketched out, that when I met up with my little work pally, Amy at Boston Store I pretty much attacked her and babbled for about 20 minutes getting everything off my chest while standing in the Junior's department. Robin and Jackie also received phone calls, both of which lasted into the 40 minute range.

DRA-MA!

Fortunately, a little retail therapy never hurt anyone, and I snagged a really kicky little jacket and a few tank tops from H&M. The jacket says "I am delightfully kicky, but I mean business." and I think I will be wearing it tomorrow night on my date with the Cuteness.

Last night was Tom And Nicki Date Night (Tom being my beat poet roommate) and originally we were going to go out for drinks or something. It started snowing and I needed to dye my hair (the burnt orange look was starting to creep back in) so we stayed in and with Troy (the new roommate) we smoked about six bowls and talked about religion.

Oh man, I don't think I have ever been that high. It was totally what I needed though, as I was still completely skitched out from earlier. I also during this time had my little chats with Robin and Jackie and Robin informed me that I sounded completely sober, although considerably less chatty.

I slept so well, although not without tossing and turning for a bit before I finally fell asleep. My mind was(is) still racing with questions and issues.

And even though this is a delicate and awful situation that I am getting myself into, I can't help but be totally turned on by it. Scandal and intrigue flock to me like flies to the bug zapper. It is all sort of romantic and flattering and... and.... and...

I have said too much.