Midday Update: The way things are goin' I don't know!

So at work we bring in our cds or whatever because we are all sick of the radio and the incessant yammering of commercials.

Me, being a former disgruntled Barnes and Noble employee, bring in pretty much anything that was ever in instore play that I got for free because I know it is appropriate and can be pretty much ignored (except the Greek Favorites cd which Danni gave me as a very poor joke... I hate the goddamn bouzouki). I have also brought in things like Sondre Lerche, Wilco, Paul Simon.. that sort of thing. Comfortable, safe music.

So imagine my surprise when doing my daily hour and a half of wasting time on the internets I hear from the stereo the opening licks to "Gangsta's Paradise" by the one and only Coolio.

I pretty much fell out of my chair laughing.

Cindy, being Cindy, had taken the Dangerous Minds soundtrack from her daughter's room (who is a year or two younger than me) and thinking "I liked the movie, I will certainly like the soundtrack!"

We made it through two and a half songs and about three"niggas" before she finally turned it off. It is really a shame that a nun didn't come in. That pretty much would have made my life.

Because I walk through the shadow of death I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left. Cause I've been blastin and laughing so long that even my mama thinks that my mind is gone. But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it. He be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of. You better watch how you talking, and where you walking or you and your homies might be lined in chalk.


Bwahahahahahahahaha. Golden.

I hope my skin is as taut as her thighs.

So there is this catalog called the "Naier Catalog" that we get at MMC. Basically what it is, is all these companies have overstock send it to this catalog and they then have non-profit organisations (::cough catholic schools cough::) order whatever they want.

The first time I ordered, I got a bunch of tissue paper and a gross of zippers.... not exactly knowing how the system worked. The next time around I got some really nice velvet flocked hangers, some tissue paper and 1200 tea light candles (none of which I have used yet).

But THIS time, I was ready for action. I ordered nothing but Denise Austin skin care stuff. And when my stuff came today, I was THRILLED. I got face cleanser, night repair cream, eye cream and lotion. I have a routine now! A ROUTINE! (Granted, I am only one night into it, but my skin is incredibly soft with rich green tea antioxidants!)

So we'll see. Hopefully I can stave off wrinkles and skin damage for a few more years... even though by the time I have wrinkles there will be breakthrough cosmetic surgery and I won't have to worry about it.

In other news, this is the week of psuedo-dates. Every night this week I have plans with a different boy. Muahahahahahahahaha. Tonight of course was Sushi Monday with Eric, tomorrow I am going for beers with Troy, my roommate, Wednesday I am going out for drinks with Tom, my other roommate, Thursday I am doing something with Mike Clobes (which I will revisit momentarily) and Friday? An actual, legitimate date with The Cuteness.

So Clobes and I are going to "hang out" whatever means. He messaged me out of the blue asking me what I was doing on Thursday. He is doing something with Horlick's band that night (I think he is the guest performer or something) and he said that he wants to catch up.

Catch up?

I haven't talked to him in like, four years. I haven't seen him in five. He is engaged so I know it is not going to end up with us in the backseat of his car making out like we are in high school, but I can't help but wonder if he has ulterior motives. I can't figure out what those motives may be. I just don't know why out of all the people in the Racine area, he wants to hang out with me. I am seriously uncool.

And the legitimate date with The Cuteness? Turns out he likes Fish Fry as much as I do. We have a lot in common. I am sooooo excited. I can't wait!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It must be thanks to my taut skin.

I gotta feelin' you're fooooolin'! I gotta feelin' you're havin' fun! Fit as a fiddle and ready for love!

So there is sort of a running joke with this group of friends that I hang out with that I have sort of made my rounds with all of them. This is not to say that I have hooked up with them all, but more that I have hooked up with a few of them and the rest of them have all liked me at one point or another or currently.

Another member, an auxillary member who usually is not out when I am, who granted, was drunk (or maybe he wasn't I am not entirely sure) made his intentions clear at the St Valentine's Day Massacre party.

This party was actually a pretty good idea. I went with Jackie and Eric. We were all dolled up in our 1920s best. I had borrowed Jackie's dress of course and I found my great grandmother's fur stole in the attic, I wore a pair of the new shoes I bought, curled my hair up tight and wore a kicky little hat I bought the last time I was in Michigan. Jackie looked like Zelda Fitzgerald in a headband and pencil skirt and Eric wore a button down with a vest. Maybe it was the cuteness that called this boy to me, maybe it was the fact that I was clearly the only single girl there. Regardless, I could not shake this guy. He kinda kept following me around and I had to get Eric to act as a shield. At one point, they had to pull a celebrity style move, distracting him as I moved behind Eric, ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom until Jackie and Eric had come upstairs and then they sandwiched me on a couch until he left.

I don't know what it is with these kids! I am like SUGAR to them!

Robin was also in town this weekend, so I got to spend some quality time with her. I went shopping with her to buy hockey gear (she's on a team) and then we played like four hours of Guitar Hero. Her sisters were also around as well as Tom, her brother in law. He took to calling me Baroness Kiki Von Contraband, which I think might be a good nom de plume.

Now would be as good as time as ever to talk about my job intervista(s). I went and interviewed with a company that does translation work for business. They were looking for an assistant project manager and after three interviews, they offered me the position on Thursday.

On Friday, I turned it down.

It was substantially more money, and it is in my "field" but after some serious consideration, I realised that I really really like my job at MMC. I like the people I work with, I like the job that I do, I like the fact that I can dick around on the internet pretty much all day. I am making fine money (yes, more money would have been nice, I won't lie) but I just wasn't ready to make the move.

They then counter offered with paying half of my cobra until their insurance kicks in and another two grand.

But money can't buy you happiness kids, remember that.

The thing that made my decision for me was when I had gotten into work at MMC, sitting in my officette. I was looking down at my lap and I thought "how would you feel if you were sitting in the new office?" and I realised that the new place was like ::crickets:: It was so quiet in there. And then I realised I was looking down at my lap and I was wearing jeans and a pair of kicks listening to AC/DC on the radio... and I was HAPPY.

And not many people can say they are happy about where they work or what they do.

MMC provides a lot of opportunity for me and I am very happy with my decision.

It was also great for my ego... job offer, kicky little date... yeah I am doing quite okay for myself.

Let's see what tomorrow brings us.

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows...

Oh, what a difference a day makes.

So I went to Boston Store because I have some left over money from a gift certificate that my dad gave me for Chrissy and I just happened to stroll through the shoe department. I generally hate department stores, I really hate malls and I LOATHE shoe shopping, so the fact that I did any of this is surprising.

What is even more surprising is that I got three pairs of super sexy heels for 70% off. I would go into the details, but let me just say that these are some hella cute shoes. In fact, so cute that I went BACK today and bought four pairs for Jackie and the total was like, 25 bucks. SCORE.

So yeah, last night I went out for drinks... with a boy! And let me introduce you to the Cuteness. I can't even tell how GOOD it felt to be with someone, that not only thinks I am funny, but made me feel like I am attractive and a good time. You know, there was a guy for awhile that I was kind of seeing but it was so easy to get involved with him because we had known each other for a long time, it was the first time that we were both single, yadda yadda yadda. It was kind of a relationship of convenience than anything (not to say it wasn't fun or that I TOTALLY needed it, cause I did). But last night was something fresh and exciting.

The pleated khaki guy... yeah, I knew that wasn't going anywhere. That was just a "what the hell, live a little" sort of situation. Last night though, we sat at this dank little bar in Shorewood and LAUGHED for about two hours. For some ungodly reason Cuteness seemed to think I was okay because this morning he asked me out for drinks again.


(thanks for the pic, Mel) OMG OMG OMG. Squee, indeed. Honestly, if nothing comes from this, I am fine. It is such a huge burst to my ego and self-esteem. But really? EEEEEEEEE! He is TEH CUTENESS. It has been a looooong time since I laughed so much. And not like, goofy humor either, but smart, sarcastic humor. He said the kind of things that I would have said. He called me out when I said something stupid, and likewise I was totally busting his balls.

IT WAS OUTSTANDING.

And he is CUTE. He's half Korean, so you know, it totally fufills my psuedo-foreign fetish I have. He's tall and skinny and he has a big nose.

MERCY.

So yeah, I am going to make damn sure we do something next week. This weekend is too busy because my homegirl Robin is coming home and you know, as she is my hetero life partner, I have to make time for her. Of course we are going to go shopping for hockey gear, so we are going to look like major lesbos, what else is new.

There is also the St. Valentine's Day Massacre party this weekend that I am totally jazzed for.

PLUS, it was totally warm enough today for me to have the maiden voyage of the red peep toe shoes I bought a few months ago but it has been too cold to wear.


Oh man. I am in SUCH a good mood.


EEEEEEEEE! I love you all!!

Midday Update: I SO called it.

Yeah, so Michael just texted me. It was my hat the gypsy was wearing. He also apologized.

Guys just don't get things like this. Robin and I were talking and she said it would drive her insane to see her exes wearing something of hers. Mandy said it would piss her off too.

I honestly don't think he meant anything by it. I know it wasn't vindictive and I know she probably just saw it and was like, hey cute, let me wear it? I am POSITIVE the first thought in Michael's head wasn't "Oh, well that is Nicki's, and she is going to cut me if I let you borrow it." or even "Ooh, that is Nicki's... she is going to go BALLISTIC if she sees you in it! Let me take your picture!"

Whatever. It really is okay.

(I don't think I want to wear that hat again though. ) (Stupid horse face gypsy girl ruining my cute hat) (ps, Mandy said she turned off a music video because the singer looked like a donkey which reminded her of the gypsy which angered her) (lol) (I am really in a good mood, I have to post later.)

Only the penitent man will pass. The penitent man is humble, kneels before God. KNEELS!!

So Lent is upon us. Every year I generally get pretty jazzed about it, even though I am not Catholic and not even that good of a person. There is something rather satisfying about denying myself something. Does it bring me closer to God? Probably not. Does it reaffirm that I have some sort of will power? Yes it does.

Last year, Michael and I gave up cheese, which was the singularly hardest thing ever. I don't remember the outcome of it, but I am pretty sure that I failed. Cheese is like, my LIFE. I remember it spiraling into this insane vegan sort of diet and that was never the intention. A few years before that, I gave up meat and that worked so well that I developed a sort of allergy/sensitvity to certain types/cuts of beef so that now, I can pretty much only have ground beef and a little bit of roast... anything else makes me sick to my stomach.

So what to give up this year? I was thinking about the cheese thing, but I went to the grocery store a few days ago (which is bizarre for me to begin with) and I just bought lunch meats and cheeses and I am too poor/cheap to let that go to waste. So cheese is out. I find myself drinking a lot of soda at work, which is odd because I don't even really LIKE soda, so I think that is the first thing to go. Also, I think I am going to give up candy, even though I don't LIKE candy, I find myself eating a lot of it at work because it is always AROUND.

I think I am also going to try and make sure I get some sort of exercise everyday. I have been doing pretty well with that, walking 1-3 miles every few days, doing pilates and hitting the gym, but then I will go for a stretch of doing nothing, which I think is detrimental to the whole process (case in point, this weekend, where I barely got out of bed, let alone exercised).

That's a good start I think. I am feeling WAY better than I did this weekend. I went over to Jackie's house last night because I was tired of sitting around my house feeling sorry for myself. Granted, we didn't do anything but watch some American Idol and ate ice cream, but what else do you do with friends? She is letting me borrow her kicky flapper dress for the St. Valentine's Day Massacre Party this weekend (it's sort of ironic that I am wearing it, this is the dress I puked all over on Halloween 4 years ago... while Jackie was wearing it) so I think I will be mighty cute. This is a good excuse to wear my vintage mink stole that was my Great Grandmother's... I don't often have a reason to wear fur (not that I am some "Fur is Murder" PETA nazi, I just don't class it up to that degree).

So carpe diem, I suppose. Enough wallowing.


PS- To whomever is reading my blog from Virginia, who are you!? You check it like, ALL the time and I am not sure I even know anyone in Virginia. So message me or comment and let me know who you are... because I am flattered and you clearly have excellent taste.

Midday Update: Fuck you, Capricorn

My horoscope today.


This can be an unsettling time for you Goats as you face a conflict between your head and your heart. Since you probably won't resolve your dilemma today, you might as well take the pressure off yourself by detaching from what others might be thinking about you. Instead, cultivate your spirit from the inside out. Even if you want to be social, make time to also be by yourself so you can withdraw into your own comfort zone.



Fuck you, google horoscope.

suicide is painless

So another one bites the dust. I just found out that a friend is engaged. I am so happy for him, I think he is a great guy and she is an awesome girl, but at the same time.... son of a bitch! I can't help but think about a year ago when that was something that I was consciously thinking about. The reason for the Suicide title, is because every time I think about another set of friends getting married, I think of my parents, and how my dad the joker had the theme from MASH played at the wedding... you know, how getting married is taking the plunge or whatever. My dad has a sick sense of humor, I realise.

There are a lot of things that have put me into a bit of a funk. Funk might not be the word, but more wallowing depression of self-loathing and melancholy.

I brought it on myself, I don't blame any one for that. I had taken the proper precautions to not feel like this, so what do I do? At the first opportunity, I go and fuck it up and go against what every fibre in my body is telling me not to do. It is so annoying. And I WISH I could not be as self-acutalised and blame someone else, but alas.

I guess let this be a lesson to me.

The thing that really honks my horn is not the fact that Michael has a new girlfriend or whatever. In fact, I am happy for him (which trust me, has taken a LOT for me to admit to myself). I think he if can find someone to put up with him, then all the better for him. I think it is sort of defeating the puropse of his whole "discovering who I am" and "learning to stand on my own" sort of thing, but that is none of my business. It is none of my concern and doesn't involve me, so I will keep my opinion to myself. He is an adult and can make up his own mind and his own decisions, so good for him.

But.

When I STUPIDLY looked at his facebook profile, I saw something that sent me into such a blind rage that it can only be described as a conniption. It was like someone had prision shived me in the stomach and all my blood had rushed to the floor.

The mother fucking gypsy was wearing my hat.

MY HAT. Of ALLLLL the fucking people for him to lend MY HAT to, he had to give it to her.

I know it sounds insane. I am getting better with it. I mean, it's not like I gave him that stuff and was like "oh, but don't let anyone else touch it!!" for all intensive purposes, that stuff is his. And, again, I can't be that mad about it, but jesus christ! Maybe if there wasn't photographic proof of it! (Serenity now, Keeks... deep breath...) (It's just a hat, it's just a hat....) (sigh) (who knows, it might not even BE my hat. maybe I am just jumping to conclusions)

This is why I took him off of my facebook. Nevermind.

So anyways, I got pretty depressed afterwards. I blew off all of my friends and bought a new Simpson's DVD set and went to bed at 9pm. I ate popcorn and talked to my cat, and basically walked around in a daze, trying in vain to shake myself of the feeling of inadequacy that prevailed the entire weekend.

Upside though, I went to Ikea with Jeni and Missie and had a pretty good time. I bought a new duvet cover which served it's purpose as I burrowed beneath it until Monday.

I know I should knock it off. I know that things aren't that bad. In fact, I know things are really really good. I like someone else! I think he likes me, or at least is CURIOUS, and that's awesome! I shouldn't even be thinking about Michael!

Sometimes it just feels good to pout.

Midday Update: Insert lyrics to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" HERE

Redaction:

Michael just brought something to my attention. Last year on Valentine's Day, I didn't have sex either. There was a rather disturbing situation that arose thanks to his temper and I ended up in tears. To which he replied a little snarkily "as per usual" and I don't know what that is supposed to mean. I'm sorry if I am SENSITIVE.

[Editor's note: this is not a reflection on his character, nor does it have any bearing on how I perceive him or how others should see him. He is a good guy and well-intentioned, although totally a horse's ass.]

I guess I had tried to forget about it and put it out of my mind (ahhh, sweet denial, you taste so good). I don't know why he felt like he wanted to bring it up, but he did and I can't just sit here and not fess up.

So, yeah. I guess my streak was rather crap.

I guess I could just start a new one next year.

Mental note: start looking for a boyfriend. NOW.

sigh. Cheers.

Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.

So yesterday was the end of an era.

It was Valentine's Day, in case you were unaware. Many moons ago when I opted out of the V-Club, it was on Valentine's Day, and ever since, I have celebrated the fact by doin' it.

Last night, I did not get any action.

And I came to terms with myself in the moment I realised that my reign of terror was over. I had a good run of it, but really? What is it than just a stupid statistic? Yes, okay, I love statistics more than life itself. Yes, I have a written tally of anyone I have ever smooched. Yes, I was proud to be able to uphold a tradition, as bizarre a tradition as it was, but damnit, it was MY tradition!

Friends have pointed out that had I been with Michael, I would have been alone on Valentine's Day ANYWAYS, as he is still in Italy and I would have gone to visit him already. An excellent point, I concede, but the thing to remember I guess, would be that I wouldn't have been ALONE per se, it just wouldn't have been possible to be with him. I digress.

I wasn't alone though.... no Chef Lonelyheart's Dinner for One for me? (Although, admittedly, the parallels between me and Edna K are getting scarier and scarier the older I get). I called up my very favorite Hannah and we went out to dinner. We went to Twisted Fork, and were lucky enough to get a table. Looking around though, we realised that we kinda looked like a couple, and I think compensated for that by spending the entire time talking about boys, their mamas and the girls that hate us (or, more specifically, me... because everyone likes Hannah).

It was good to go out with her, I haven't hung out with her in ages, and it was nice to catch up. She provided some incredibly refreshing insight to my dilemmas (okay, not so much dilemmas as dra-ma). She made me realise that I am making some really healthy, pro-active choices in my life and that is GOOD, regardless of how hard it is to do.

We talked a lot about Michael and I occurred to me how much I have changed since he left. Not even because of the whole breaking up thing (which did a serious number on my pride and self-confidence, I won't lie) but in a weird way, it was a really really good thing for me. I am still the same ol' wacky potato Nicki, but I have learned a lot about myself- my coping techniques, my denial, how much I value relationships, my dedication, my self-sacrificing, my sense of justice, ny sense of honor and my own self-worth. I am not the same person that I was when he left. This whole experience has made me grow by leaps and bounds, more so than I ever would have ever guessed. I am most definitely from the school of "everything happens for a reason" and while it is complete shit that I had to go through this, as any breakup is with anyone, a lot of good has come from it.

I can't believe how optimistic I have become. I have always considered myself a realist, but lately, I just think that there is no sense in dwelling in negativity and letting myself get discouraged. Life is too short for all this shit, you know? I am in my mid-twenties, moderately attractive, I have a decent job, a roof over my head (albeit a shitbox one), food to eat, the best friends in the world, access to excellent healthcare, I have money to buy cute shirts whenever I want and a personality that won't quit.... what do I have to feel bad about?

So fuck it! Carpe diem! Enough with the moping and feeling bad. Enough with the sadness about the end of my era... it's not like I won't have sex again for christ's sake.

I am waaaaay too cute for that to ever happen. :-)

Cheers, darlings.

I heart Milwaukee!

So I haven't written in awhile, and I have soooooooo much to talk about, but something so outstanding has trumped everything. And not outstanding in the good way, but more just... shocking and appalling.

A few weeks ago it snowed like a bitch. It had to have been five inches or so overnight so by the time I got outside to go to work, I had my work cut out for me.

I live in a four unit building. We live in the upper left, with no one beneath us. There is this "family" of sorts in the upper right unit (I have never seen actual adults, just some older looking teenagers, a few kids and a fat toddler with a penchant for pudding) and some new people just moved into the left lower.

As they were moving in, they had some very... tough... looking characters helping them. Now, I am a chunky white girl with a booty and big boobs and these characters found me quite attractive and one day when I was walking to my car I got several of them bidding me good day and asking how I was. Nothing inappropriate, but I most definitely got the impression that I was being undressed in their minds.

So flash forward to the day it snowed and I was going to my car. I started the Lark up and proceeded to start cleaning it off. This was a lengthy process and took over 10 minutes until I was at the passenger side window.

I hear "Miss? Do you need any help? Can I do that for you?" and the guy who recently moved in leaned out the window and smiled charmingly at me. "Oh no! Thank you! I am almost done!" I smiled prettily and scurried back into the car, not wanting to continue the chat with the Cheshire Cat in the window. (Where were you 15 minutes ago, I thought to myself)

A week later, Eric and I were in the attic getting some stuff and moving it downstairs and we heard this BANG!!! and after looking around, just thought that this painting in the hallway had fallen down as it was on the floor and we werent sure that it was there or not.

This was also about the same time that we had the whole snafu with the exploding toilet and the maitenance guy said to Eric "Oh so were you here when the cops came?" Eric was like "What?" Turns out, the fucking SWAT team had staked out the lower left apartment and had BROKEN DOWN THE FUCKING DOOR to the apartment to bust them out.

So yeah, turns out the painting had been on the floor when we went up there.

Now, as I write this, I am sitting in the dark, surrounded by my roommates because our electricity is out and we are waiting for the maitnenance guy to come out here again to figure out why, this is the same guy who was here Saturday, Sunday and MONDAY because our pipes froze and we have once again been without running water. Well, now, that's not necessarily true, we had scalding hot water and had to hand fill the toilet so we could flush it, but now we are seriously S.O.L because the pipe burst in the street and that's the city's problem so they will be here on Weds.

Eric told me that when he was talking to the maitenance guy this afternoon about the pipe problem and he said that they are evicting the people in the lower left apartment. Eric asked why and he was infomed that not only were they dealing massive amounts of contraband (which is really no surprise to anyone, as you could get a contact high just walking by the place on the sidewalk) and they had already destroyed the place after a month but ALSO the male resident has a warrant for MURDER.

That's the nice guy that wanted to help me brush off the car. The guy wanted on murder one.